Mall

Howdy folks! I’m Homie! I’m your home homie named Homie, and I’m on a missing critters case! The Peepys and Ouiouis are still unaccounted for. Maybe they’ve been kidnapped. Maybe they kidnapped someone. Scientists are baffled. So, I’ve taken upon myself to do a proper search around! And I know just where to look next.

The Mall! If you’ve never been to The Mall, stop lying, yes you have. It’s one of the four corners of the earth and it has everything! Stuff, more stuff, edible stuff, stuff you can wear, even stuff you can put more stuff in! If the Peepys and Ouiouis aren’t here, there might be a shop where we can buy some new ones! Let’s find out! And let’s find out what they put where the old toenail place used to be.

Wowee. Busy today! I’m really gonna have to keep my peepers peepin’ if the Peepys are around. Let’s see what they got around here. Shoe store, clothes store, another shoe store, pass pass pass. All I need is a hat if I’m tryin’a be fancy. Maybe I should try shoes. I wonder if they make shoes in Homie size. I could do some cowboy boots. I’d make a good varmint.

Oh, look at that place! They’re sellin’ phones. They’re cell-in phones! Oh. Oh! But next to that’s the candy store. Hold please.

I got a green soda. Says the flavor is ‘atomic’, but I’m a pro at this, so I’ll bet it tastes like lime instead of pennies. Then I went to the clothes store and got myself one of them flat caps. I look like I drive a cab now. Beep beep. Also, if you were wondering what they put in the old toenail place, it's a new toenail place. Capitalism at work. Let’s see, what else was I supposed to do. Did I need furniture or something?

Oh, right, food court! Yeah, no, no furniture, I just got a coffee table, now I need coffee! Yeah, the food court! We can be judge and jury of what’s good to eat! Got a dozen places to choose from and somehow it still includes Sbarro. I think Sbarro’s gotta stay hidden and fortified in the mall, or else Italy’s gonna nuke ‘em. If I was Italy, I’d nuke ‘em.

Alright, General Tso’s chicken! Was General Tso a chicken general or a general of chickens? Was he like, a chicken but a brilliant tactician, or was he the master of chicken-based warfare? He’d probably have conquered America if not for Colonel Sanders. Fried chicken turned the tide.

Well, I’m full. That was fun. New hat, fancy soda, what more could a Homie ask for? …The Peepys. I was supposed to be looking for them and the Ouiouis. That’s right. Okay Homie, don’t panic, let’s think. If the Peepys were here, we’d have heard shoplifting alarms. If they’re not here, the Ouiouis aren’t in the mall unattended. They’d break something.

Okay, great detective work on my part. I’m gonna go grab a coffee on the way out. Or can I drink soda at the coffee table? Is that allowed? One moment, I’m gonna ask the security guy here.

It is. You learn something new every day!